There has to be more than this...
There comes a time in life when you realize there has to be more than this.
Dragging yourself out of bed each morning, stumbling into the kitchen lured by the smell of freshly brewed coffee, and then spilling it because you aren't awake enough to pour yourself a cup without spilling it. You open your phone to mindlessly scroll through Facebook or Pinterest while the coffee does its job of waking you up...at least enough to get you semi-functional. The thought of the day ahead doesn't excite you. It gives you a headache. It's what keeps you from sleeping at night. As you numbly go through your day, you remember, "I'm a professional. I have bills to pay. I CANNOT just walk out!". But you want to. Every. Damn. Day.
But you don't. You don't walk out. You do your job. Smiling on the outside, dying on the inside.
By the time you get home, all you want is a glass, or three, of wine and something to numb your mind. Something to numb your soul. You want something to just take away the daily reality of your life.
This is NOT what you thought your life would be.
As I write this, I'm fifty-two years old, single, homeless, and jobless. About six months ago, I realized I could no longer live my life doing what I was doing every day. At the time, I was teaching elementary art at three great schools in Wyoming. I lived in the high-desert beauty of southwest Wyoming and was getting paid more than I'd ever made in my life. It was my fourth year of teaching art. The seventeen years before that I was a regular elementary classroom teacher. The stress of teaching had finally worn me down. I simply could not do it anymore. I also realized that Wyoming was much too far from my family back in Oklahoma. So in April, without another job or home lined up, I turned in my resignation.
Everyone thought I was crazy, but I had faith...complete and total faith that it would all work out. At the end of May, my U-Haul was loaded and I headed to Oklahoma. Since I had no actual home to move into, I placed most of my belongings into storage and stayed with family. I had my summer income and loads of faith, so I took my time figuring everything out. I knew it would all come together somehow.
When people asked what I wanted to do, I told them I didn't know. But I did know. I wanted to create a new life for myself, one that would inspire others. I wanted to learn about healthy living, herbal healing, and create natural skin care products. I wanted to grow my own herbs (the legal kind) and open a shop - part apothecary, part boutique, part art gallery. Only a few people got to hear this dream because I didn't want the negativity from those who I knew would not be supportive. I bought books and began to study and learn. I could see this in my future!!
What I didn't foresee was that I would end up shuffling around from family member to family member, trying to not wear out my welcome. Each time I had my 4-Runner loaded with my luggage, books, computer, and camera. I don't pack light.
I also didn't foresee that on July 4, I would slip on some water at a hotel and break my knee cap into six pieces that would require surgery and eight weeks of recovery.
I didn't foresee applying for dozens of jobs and only getting two interviews.
I didn't foresee getting rear-ended by a Chevy Silverado that meant my 4-Runner would need "surgery" of its own and be out of commission for 5-6 days.
Despite having these setbacks, for the most part, I kept a positive outlook. There were a couple of times I broke down in tears, frustrated with the whole thing, but overall, I believed that things happen for a reason. Patience has never been one of my strengths, but it has certainly been tested over these last few months. It has given me time to clear my head and realize that no matter what my circumstances are, I have a choice daily to create my life and live it in a way that is meaningful to me.
I had the idea for this blog months ago, but it wasn't until today that I felt ready to begin. This blog will be about the healing of the mind, body, and soul. I'm hardly an expert. Well, not yet. But I'm doing this for me and anyone else who wants to come along for the journey because I believe that there is more to life than this.
Dragging yourself out of bed each morning, stumbling into the kitchen lured by the smell of freshly brewed coffee, and then spilling it because you aren't awake enough to pour yourself a cup without spilling it. You open your phone to mindlessly scroll through Facebook or Pinterest while the coffee does its job of waking you up...at least enough to get you semi-functional. The thought of the day ahead doesn't excite you. It gives you a headache. It's what keeps you from sleeping at night. As you numbly go through your day, you remember, "I'm a professional. I have bills to pay. I CANNOT just walk out!". But you want to. Every. Damn. Day.
But you don't. You don't walk out. You do your job. Smiling on the outside, dying on the inside.
By the time you get home, all you want is a glass, or three, of wine and something to numb your mind. Something to numb your soul. You want something to just take away the daily reality of your life.
This is NOT what you thought your life would be.
As I write this, I'm fifty-two years old, single, homeless, and jobless. About six months ago, I realized I could no longer live my life doing what I was doing every day. At the time, I was teaching elementary art at three great schools in Wyoming. I lived in the high-desert beauty of southwest Wyoming and was getting paid more than I'd ever made in my life. It was my fourth year of teaching art. The seventeen years before that I was a regular elementary classroom teacher. The stress of teaching had finally worn me down. I simply could not do it anymore. I also realized that Wyoming was much too far from my family back in Oklahoma. So in April, without another job or home lined up, I turned in my resignation.
Everyone thought I was crazy, but I had faith...complete and total faith that it would all work out. At the end of May, my U-Haul was loaded and I headed to Oklahoma. Since I had no actual home to move into, I placed most of my belongings into storage and stayed with family. I had my summer income and loads of faith, so I took my time figuring everything out. I knew it would all come together somehow.
When people asked what I wanted to do, I told them I didn't know. But I did know. I wanted to create a new life for myself, one that would inspire others. I wanted to learn about healthy living, herbal healing, and create natural skin care products. I wanted to grow my own herbs (the legal kind) and open a shop - part apothecary, part boutique, part art gallery. Only a few people got to hear this dream because I didn't want the negativity from those who I knew would not be supportive. I bought books and began to study and learn. I could see this in my future!!
What I didn't foresee was that I would end up shuffling around from family member to family member, trying to not wear out my welcome. Each time I had my 4-Runner loaded with my luggage, books, computer, and camera. I don't pack light.
I also didn't foresee that on July 4, I would slip on some water at a hotel and break my knee cap into six pieces that would require surgery and eight weeks of recovery.
I didn't foresee applying for dozens of jobs and only getting two interviews.
I didn't foresee getting rear-ended by a Chevy Silverado that meant my 4-Runner would need "surgery" of its own and be out of commission for 5-6 days.
Despite having these setbacks, for the most part, I kept a positive outlook. There were a couple of times I broke down in tears, frustrated with the whole thing, but overall, I believed that things happen for a reason. Patience has never been one of my strengths, but it has certainly been tested over these last few months. It has given me time to clear my head and realize that no matter what my circumstances are, I have a choice daily to create my life and live it in a way that is meaningful to me.
I had the idea for this blog months ago, but it wasn't until today that I felt ready to begin. This blog will be about the healing of the mind, body, and soul. I'm hardly an expert. Well, not yet. But I'm doing this for me and anyone else who wants to come along for the journey because I believe that there is more to life than this.
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